[x]novacaine shade.

my novacaine heart
leaves me on floor
switching places with my shadow
it now stands in my place
and i am dragged
by the very shade of me


[x]the loudest silence.

all said and done
i miss feeling your heart beat
though i loathe the way
that you handled mine in return
these last drops of ink
will bleed from within
until there's nothing left to say
this void filled simply
with the loudest silence ever



the ember grows cold
as you take your flame away from me
something still burns
when the thought of you occurs
yet i am spared my eyes
not having to see you
these tiny hurts
are but paper cuts on my heart
yet wounds just the same


[x]we move on.

...miss the sound of my voice
the feel of my eyes
the burning of my soul
the sense of being drawn
the overbearing of my heart
the power of my words
the beauty of our eden
the intoxication of our presence
the sparks of every touch
that very calculation in our romance
and, most of all -
the sophistication of my love


[x]hiding in plain sight.

shell shocked and numb
i walk the line between hope and despair
how quickly this all unraveled
these words my very blood
so what will happen
when i run out of poetry in this disconnect?
no longer have to see me hiding in plain sight
my will to power and weakness
yet she called me nonchalant


[x]just another scar.

i long for the day
that i won't have to look into her eyes anymore
when i don't feel the pain
that she doesn't even acknowledge
when this open wound
will be just another scar
and when this siren
will be just another flame
i long for the day
when i won't feel like this anymore


[x]benevolent poison.

what used to be tension
just feels like a lack of oxygen now
the weight heavy and hallucinating
is it still intoxicating?
or is it just hard to breathe?
gradual in it's benevolent poison
i expose myself to it slightly
trying to just let it go numb
let that part of me that was yours die
but there is no immunity to work up to
there never was an inoculation in the first place



you could say
that this is a crossroads
when i clearly see the way back
but cannot glimpse the way forward
i stand in a my vast shadow
and in this eclipse
i just can't tell how tall i could have been



did i fall out of her orbit
or did she fall out of mine?
i take solace in the fact
that i won't feel like this forever
knowing that she wasn't the person
i thought she was
and i am spared
knowing that she never really knew me at all


[x]by definition.

like a ticker tape parade of ash
the paper still burning
words scattered and meaningless
lost like the momentum of gestures
this disillusion of progress
the inertia of my soul
must carry on past my heart stonewalled
cold logic takes back over
there is no big picture here
there is no mosaic anymore